Comment Moderation

Due to some extremely inappropriate comments posted by someone random, I've enabled full comment moderation. Everything's got to be checked first. I appologize for anyone who clicked on one of those links -- they slipped my notice until today.

The miracle of life

I don't think I've ever felt alive until the moment we saw that tiny heartbeat on the sonogram two days ago. Shaune and I just clenched each other's hands and stared -- it's a miracle. Just a little flash on the screen, too small to even be heard yet.

Strangely, even after seeing that (and hanging the picture on the fridge to prove it wasn't just a dream), it still doesn't feel real. I still feel like me, with a cold that's making me really tired and my belly upset. I don't look in the mirror and think "mother" or at my husband and think "father." It's still just us. I assume the reality sets in when you start showing, and the baby starts moving?

Our appointment wasn't 100% happy. There's a major confusion about the dates -- as in, 3 1/2 weeks confusion. It is substantial enough that the doctor ordered a follow-up sonogram next week. I'm sure everything will settle out in time, but if the sonogram dating is correct, we found out about 4 days pregnant with a dollar tree test. Not impossible, but highly, highly unlikely. I've spent a lot of time in prayer since Tuesday and I feel that things will turn out ok in the end, but this is really getting to my nerves. I'd truly appreciate any prayers or good thoughts you'd be willing to send our way.

This is my cheeseburger baby

I've never been a real fan of fast food. It's greasy and nutritionally empty, plus hard on the pocketbook -- I have better things to do with $5.

My baby disagrees. She/he wants nothing more than double cheeseburgers all day every day.

I'm laughing. Of all the strange cravings out there, why this one?! At least the fast food chains are out-of-the-way enough that I don't indulge too often. Except for breakfast this morning.

Pregnancy is a delight. It's good to be home after traveling; I feel so much healthier here.

Traveling

Oh my, what a weekend!

Last summer when my husband and I were wed, his best friend from college traveled up from Tennessee to perform the honor of Best Man. Naturally, when he wed on Saturday, my husband returned the honor. So, Friday morning found us packing up in the car with another of my husband's friends in tow to head the 6 hour journey south to Clarksville.

I made a painful realization about an hour into the drive: car seats are not designed to be comfortable for even my slightly pregnant body. Also, hormones can cause even one who has never, ever been carsick in my life to become nauseaus at the sight of trees rushing by. But I survived, and we made good time and arrived in Clarksville nearly an hour short of what Mapquest estimated. We had a chance to check in and take a nap before we were expected at the rehersal dinner.

Saturday morning I made another painful realization: although so far I've been incredibly careful and have only put on 1-2lbs, every ounce of that seems to be located in my bust. The dress that I had planned to wear for the evening no longer fit. I had to make an emergency trip to the mall to purchase something that did fit correctly. Although my new dress is something I could have easily made myself given the time and was more expensive than I like to pay for things I could make myself, it is a lovely and comfortable find given the short notice. And, I can use it as a pattern to make more to get me through the summer!

The wedding itself was fun. The couple is unique, to say the least, and the wedding reflected their style. They rented a cabin way way out in the woods by the riverside; it was absolutely beautiful. And, although most of us were in modern dress, there was a contingent of pirates present -- including the officiant. My husband and the groom were dressed as South American land-owners, in baggy white clothes and slouchy straw hats. The vows were written by the bride and grood and reflected the pirate idea. They were actually quite beautiful. The officiant introduced them at the end of the wedding as "Mr. and Mrs. Hack -- both Captains and First Mates of their ship of love!" It was down on a little jet of land in the river with the sunset framed behind them.

The party was great. Although they had hired a band, the reception functioned more as an open-mike time and included guest talents such as a Mexican dancer and my husband on banjo (I'm so proud of him, he's gotten so much better in his playing! And he looks so comfortable!)

We made it home, safe, sound, and exhausted. I plan on avoiding travel as much as humanly possible for the rest of this pregnancy because it is so uncomfortable! We pulled in at home at 5, and I took a 3 hour nap. It's now almost 10, and I think I'll still be fine to sleep through the night! Pregnancy is exhausting. But, it's back to work in the morning, so I'll have to fill you in more later!

An Announcement

Dear friends, I have some exciting news to share with you:

My darling husband and I will be welcoming a new member to our family around January 16th, 2010, God willing! Yes! I'm pregnant!

Due to a bad case of self-delusion, we actually didn't find out until I was already 6 weeks along. I'm now nearly 8 and have been blessed beyond reason: morning sickness has barely kicked in so far. I'm more tired than I've been in my entire life and hungry enough for an army, but still feeling quite well overall. We have our first sonogram in a little under 2 weeks.

This is a miracle in so many ways. God is ministering to my heart on multiple levels. Motherhood is the desire of my heart, and this is perfect timing for our family. On a quieter note, for those who've been with me a little longer, my due date is exactly a year from my previous heartbreak. That is part of a quiet assurance I have that everything this time will go smoothly.

I'm thrilled, Shaune's thrilled, our parents are thrilled and shocked at the same time. God provides! ***squeaks of joy***

A sense of what we've lost

Although I haven’t had a chance to go out to New Salem for a few weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s different between the 1830’s and now. Sure, all the modern conveniences have been invented now – central air, refrigeration, the internet. But I know in my heart that that is only the surface. There has been a critical shift in the way people live, and the more I think about it the sadder I become.

This critical shift is in community. People used to not only know their neighbors; they relied on them day-in and day-out. I’ve been reading a book that is an autobiography of a woman who came to the frontier of Illinois with her land-surveying husband right after their wedding. It is called A Woman’s Story of Pioneer Illinois, written by Christiana Holmes Tillson. She encountered a land that was wild and untamed. She discusses a lot about how women supported each other, how they taught each other the things they needed to know. She talked about how she was working in the kitchen until only a few hours before her first child was born, as her husband had invited company over. She was down for a few days, but then went right back to work. The only way this was possible was with the support of her good friend who lived on the next homestead over – and she returned the favor a few years later when her friend delivered.

Reading this book, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own modern American life. Many days go by where I only interact with my husband or the families I work for. I live in a building with seven other families, and I only actually know one of them and can recognize three others by sight, but not name. I’ve talked to some of my friends about this – we’re all part of the Facebook generation – about how we’re closer than we’ve ever been in history, and yet farther away at the same time. Our culture has traded quality friendships for quantity acquaintances.

I don’t have a solution to propose; I think awareness is the only step at this point. All the 12-step programs preach that admitting you have a problem is the first part of healing from it. We, as a culture, have a problem. People are drowning in loneliness in the most connected generation ever to walk this planet. Waking up to this fact is the beginning of the process of correction.

Repurposing: Something new from something old

I'm a packrat. If someone offers me something they don't want anymore, I seem to have a genetic compulsion to say "yes." That's how I ended up with a bag of the most hideous old sheets and workshirts I've ever seen. Ever.





Until recently, I've held onto these items, saying, "I'll find a way to use them somehow somewhere," but never wanting to alter their original purpose. When I realized how much junk I had in my tiny apartment, this simply had to change. So! Repurposing projects!





My first repurposing project was to take an old cream colored flowered bedsheet (full size -- we only have a twin and a king) and do something with it. My darling husband bought me some sewing patterns a few months back that I haven't had the chance to work with yet. One was this cute wrap dress that looked very retro to my untrained eyes. So, I set to work transitioning the old sheet into a new dress, which now looks like this:

I had a lot of fun figuring out how to lay the pattern on the sheet to have enough fabric. I also salvaged the narrow green trim from the top of the sheet and relaid it along the dress collar. I didn't do a mock-up for fitting (since I was using free fabric already) and over-all I'm thrilled with the way everything turned out. I just think I'm going to rip out the sleeves and trim the shoulders a little narrower so they sit on my shoulder point instead of down off it.

No one at church even knew it was an old sheet!

Next project: turning a heavy-weight workshirt into a pretty work apron.

New work

I've not been able to visit Blog-World much lately, as I began a new job last Monday. For the next three months, I'm working full-time for a wonderful family I met in my Sunday School class. They have four children -- the youngest two are adopted from China. And as much as Mom desperately wants to be home with them, their new baby Caleb has a cleft palate and Mom's job is the one that offers insurance. So, they asked me to care for the kids in their home over the summer, instead of having to find a daycare or something.

I've already learned so much about how to raise a family and take care of a house with demanding little ones running around. No wonder many moms are tired! This is the perfect opportunity to work on my homemaking and childcare skills before our own family is underway.

I've had a lot of insights I've been jotting in a small notebook; I hope to share them here in the near future. When there is time!

Success!

I just wanted to let you know, that today for lunch I ate a fresh salad that I grew on my porch! I've never had anything tastier! Store-bought spinach and spring-greens simply cannot compare. Yay! My rubber-maid boxes of dirt are working after all!

Saturday Morning Fun

I woke up Saturday morning with a bug to go yard sale shopping. I've never been much of a yard saler, but I was desperately in need of some more pots to put my plants in (it's amazing how big little tiny seeds can grow, I wasn't properly prepared). I also wanted some paintings if I could find them cheap because I live in a white apartment and am so bored of white walls.

So, with coffee in hand, my dear husband humored me by getting up early and setting out to peruse the near-by neighborhoods. It was May 2nd, a beautiful sunny Saturday that defines everything I love about spring. I was certain we'd find a yard sale on every block.

Except, we didn't. I'm not sure if it was the neighborhoods we chose or what, but I didn't find a single yard sale anywhere in town! We drove through several different neighborhoods without any luck. Then, right before we gave up and went home, a little sign caught my eye: "Public Auction Today." Shaune turned to me in excitement and said, "Let's Go!"

We got there a little bit before they started, so we got to wander around and see everything that would be up for sale. An older lady had passed away, and her family was clearing out her house. Some of the family members were around helping set up. I saw so much that I would love to own! So I registered for my number, sent my husband on to his meeting, and waited for the excitement.

The sale was one of the most exciting things I've ever been a part of. I've never been to one before. It was so hard to not stick my number up for every item -- but I guess that's exactly what the auctioner wants. I got some great bargains on the things I needed and then some: $22 got me about 20 flower pots, three paintings, two boxes of cooking and sewing books, a couple of decorative plates, and two little figurines for my mother-in-law's Mother's Day present. I've still only sorted through half of the books but the ones I've already seen are excellent! A Vogue book on fit and alterations, cookbooks from the 50's on how to be hospitiable on a budget (!), even one on inexpensive flower aranging to decorate the house. All my plants have new homes and I have pots left just in case I want more. All for $22...

About half-way through the auction, tho, I was hit by extreme sadness. Someone had spent years gathering all these mementos, books, craft projects, furniture, everything that was laid out for sale. And yet, when she died, it was left behind to be picked up for pennies by strangers. She had a lot of half-started craft projects that no one wanted -- the auctioner threw something like 5 boxes together as a single lot that sold for $3. I felt like crying. This auction made clear for me something I've read before but never internalized:

Matthew 6:19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal."

Luke 12:16-20 "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. 17He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.'
18"Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." '
20"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?'"

This auction set these verses firmly in my heart. They have become real to me in ways I haven't experienced before. It's not that we shouldn't have things in this life, but we shouldn't put our heart in them. Because, after we die, they could be sold for pennies or even thrown away. Material things have no eternal value whatsoever. So, let me encourage you to:

Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. (Matthew 6:20)