I was arranging the nursery (again) this morning and had a full on panic attack: there is NO WAY they're going to give us our kid! We're too... too... they're going to laugh at us and take her away. I don't *really* think that, but gee wiz is the feeling strong! The closer I get the more I realize that I don't have a clue.
We're officially in go-mode. I went to the dr. yesterday morning and she got this strange look on her face. "Hm... (silence). You might actually be doing something." Whatever that means -- something or nothing. We'll see. I've been contracting frequently (5+ an hour) but not regularly and I've given up trying to tell the difference between Braxton-Hicks and "real." My dr. told me they were some of each -- I'd progessed to 4cm, 80%. It was stressing me out to guess between the two. I had my "show" this morning. Bags are packed and waiting by the door.
Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy this time, but honestly? I'm feeling crummy and kind of miserable. I haven't eaten since Sunday because my tummy's so upset. I know the next step is going to hurt like a beast -- but I'd rather be there than stuck in a waiting pattern! Discomfort (it's only occasionally pain) would be easier to deal with if I knew it was going to end soon. Maybe today... one can hope :)
Monday, April 18, 2011
Well ladies, I've made it to the final count-down! I'm 36 weeks by one count, 37 by another, and honestly, I'm not sure I'm going to make it all the way. Haha, don't all first-timers say that? Really tho, I kinda hope I don't. I'm ready to breath again. Baby Girl's already dropped and I'm at 2.5 cm. It's making me cautiously hopeful. I know I could go for another month like this, but I'm curious for you moms: How long were you just-a-little dialated? Did it really last forever, or did you keep progressing once you started? I'm having Braxton-Hicks contractions a couple times every hour and some of them HURT, but it's not particularly "regular." I even made it to the gym tonight. I'd love to know what you experienced. In the mean time, I guess I should wash a load of baby clothes or something... since I've kind of done NOTHING up til now!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Where you tend a rose, a thistle can not grow (The Secret Garden)
I just love springtime. It's my favorite time of the year. It gets warm, the green things start growing, random flowers errupt everywhere. It's a blessed time -- especially after a long winter. I spent the past week pouring over The Secret Garden once again (what a delightful book!). I guess spring's gotten into my heart, because even my Bible studies have taken me to gardens.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord's renown,
for an everlasting sign which will not be destroyed.
He replaces the ugly with the beautiful; the thorny with the useful. Why? To show God's renown -- his fame, celebrity, eminence, good reputation, and glory. It's his sign of redemption, to remove our ugly bits and leave the good. Christ talks about this in the Gospel of John as well:
I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
We have to have the dead bits removed so that the Christlike parts of us can flourish. We can't be successful servants of God if we're still clinging to our bitterness and selfishness. He has to remove those thorns and replace them with forgiveness and selflessness for us to truly make a difference in the kingdom. And the same concept applies to every other thorny bit of our souls as well.
So my question is, are you willing to let God muck around in your personality? Gardening isn't easy... breaking ground can break your back, and a freshly-pruned bush can look just awful. Removing the dead bits can be downright painful. But you have to remember what happens after: fresh seeds spring up from the turned soil, and the bush regrows healthier, stronger, and more fruitful than ever before. It's worth it. Will you let God garden in your soul?
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Oh WHY does my camera battery have to die TODAY, and the charger be completely missing? You'll just have to trust my raptures until I track down the charger. My fluffy mail came today! My cloth diapers! I'm ridiculously excited... more than I probably should be about glorified poop-catchers for my baby who isn't even here yet. I've spent the past weeks... no, really, months... researching and reading everything I can track down about cloth diapering. We knew we wanted to do it, and I needed something to study. (I've been going through withdrawl since graduating college). I read forums and reviews. I stalked every website I could find. I polled friends -- online and IRL. I even made charts of price comparisions, shipping costs, and delivery times. Convinced I'm a TOTAL nerd yet? I finally ended back where I first started: prefolds and covers. Nicky's Diapers had the best combination price for the 3dz diapers and 3 covers, and I ended up $5 over the minimum for free shipping. And they arrived today -- when I only ordered Monday! My poor husband thinks I've lost my mind. It's better than Christmas. I can't help but share :)