Monday, August 2, 2010

Waiting with Grace

My Dearly Beloved and I have been married for 2 years -- today! These have been two of the best years of my life, growing closer to each other and to God together. Every day is a new adventure. We've had so much joy, as well as sharing so much pain.

You see, we thought we'd have a child long before now. God willing, we'd be working on #2. But alas, that wasn't our Lord's plan -- I'm still not sure what his plan is. We're waiting.

Waiting hasn't been good for my heart. I'm an impatient person by nature, wanting things now, now, now! I tend to waste my time, because "what if!" this month is the lucky one. I hesitate to commit to anything, because "what if!" After a lot of prayer and conversation, we've decided that I should pursue a part-time job so that I can use our waiting time productively.

It's not a decision come to lightly, but it is the right one -- for our family, and for my heart. See, I've been beating myself up that what we wanted hasn't happened yet. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong (says that naggy little voice inside my head). I don't believe that is the case -- rather, for whatever reason, God has called us to wait. So wait we shall.

But in the mean time, I'll be busy paying down our debts, meeting new people, perhaps even pointing them towards faith. I'll be out in the world where I can make an impact, until my most important job of raising a family comes along (at which point I'll be making an impact with them!). Life is a journey that we can't control. Thankfully there is a God who does!

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
John Waller, While I'm Waiting, from the Fireproof soundtract, has been a constant comfort to me over the past weeks. I play this song on repeat because it reminds me of the Who who knows.


Sarah Jane said...

Happiest of anniversaries dear Jenny!
{hugs} I will be praying for you and Shaune, that the Lord will bless you with the new, beautiful baby He has planned for you in His perfect timing, as I know He will!

Sometimes it is so hard to comprehend His Ways. It is such a blessing to know that we don't have to know the reasons and can faithfully trust Him to lead us where He will. What a loving Shepherd and Father we have.

Even though I have 3 children now, I too am at a part of life where I'm "expecting to be expectant" and it has been hard not be impatient, doubtful, hurt, even angry (!) not to mention jealous of other ladies who are expecting little ones. :P Hopefully the Lord will bless us both soon! It would be fun to be pregnant at the same time, Lord willing!

Amy said...

Happy anniversary Jenny! Wow, I can't believe it's two years. Seems like yesterday you were writing your first post and had been so recently married.

I do understand the hardship of waiting for God's timing. It's really difficult, and there will be days when you ask "Why God?" But He does have a plan, as you said. There is always a reason for everything. What's going to be most exciting is HOW He does it. It'll probably be when you least expect it.

I'm glad you're "waiting gracefully". I don't know you very well at all, but you seem to be a beautiful person with so much to offer to a lost world. Take care; I'll be praying for you.


Rachel said...

Hi there, I found your blog through Sarah's (Romantic History).

I empathise - we've recently celebrated our 2 year anniversary too, and I would dearly love to be a mummy! It's hard watching others becoming pregnant and thinking, when will it be me?!

I pray the Lord will bless you with a little one in his perfect timing :-)

Rachel xxx