Thursday, January 15, 2009

The cold days of winter

Today is nearly the last day of winter break. On Tuesday morning, I have to resume my place in the drudgery that is the American education system. These 6 weeks at home, learning about myself as a wife and a homemaker, have been heavenly. I feel like I've accomplished so much! I never realized that being home alone all day could be so fulfilling. As sad as I am to go back to school, I take joy in the fact that I have only 6 more classes, then 15 weeks of student teaching before I graduate with my Bachelor's in Elementary Education. Although it's hard to be motivated now, my husband and I have talked repeatedly about the benefits it will bring to our future family, especially if we move to a state that is not homeschool-friendly.

Here's what I've completed during my brief stay at home:
  1. Sewing my Regency Christmas dress, start to finish.
  2. Crocheting a little stuffed mousey for a friend's baby (see the adorable pattern here)
  3. Reorganizing the study/spare bedroom
  4. Sewing new flannel pajamas for myself and my husband
  5. Decorating for Christmas and hosting a Christmas party
  6. Reading several good books
  7. Canceling cable television (we decided, after much discussion, that it wasn't worth the cost and was only bringing filth into our home) and reworking our budget to increase giving
  8. Baking many tasties in the kitchen
  9. Going on a wonderful honeymoon to celebrate my marriage with my soul mate
  1. Quite possibly started on the road to mommy-hood! Although we're still waiting for a positive test, my body is telling me that I am carrying treasure. No period, sleeping 12-15 hours a day, constant nausea, coupled with bloating that makes even my most comfortable clothing a little uncomfortable is cluing me in to the idea that maybe I'm in the small percentage of women who don't get enough hormone in their waste to ever get a positive test. I plan to call a doctor and ask for a blood test next week, if nothing changes.

It wasn't until this break that I realized how much SAHMs or SAHWs actually get done. I've been in the public school system from preschool through college (the end is near...) and have constantly been told that a woman without a job is worthless, especially if she doesn't have children. This teaching has always conflicted with the tug in my heart towards home, which has only gotten stronger as I've grown in my faith. When I worked in a daycare center, my heart would break every day as mothers and children would tearfully say good-bye. Certainly leaving a piece of yourself behind so you can "work" isn't natural!

My husband and I decided even before the wedding that I would stay home once we had little ones, but my mind was still filled with lingering doubts about my ability to do that well. It wasn't until just a few days ago that I found peace with making my own schedule and finding contentment in my own explorations and projects rather than those assigned to me by professors. Home certainly offers a different kind of life, but has it's own peaceful, sustaining rhythm. Home is where I'm called to be. I am counting down the days until I can be home for good.


Sarah Jane said...

I'm so glad you were able to stay home for a while to enjoy the different lifestyle it offers! :) I wasn't a stay-at-home-wife until well into my pregnancy with my 1st baby (I had a part time job) but once I started my home routine I LOVED it and I've never looked back!!

Your symptoms do sound exactly like the ones I had when I was first pregnant! Maybe you are farther along than you think? I didn't start getting pregnancy symptoms like that until I was 8-10 weeks, hopefully a blood test will confirm this for you!! I think your body "knows" when something is going on, even though a test might not show it. Best wishes!!

WesternWoodburner said...

It is wonderful you plan to stay at home with your little ones!

Mrs. G said...

I can't wait to read of your update when you know for sure that you're expecting! That is so exciting and I'm thrilled for you! It's a feeling that hasn't grown old for me yet. ;-)