Springtime... and Busyness!

I've not hardly used the computer in over a week! Part of that has been forgetfulness (it's so easy to sit on the porch with a novel and a cup of tea when it's 75 and lovely), part of that has been busyness that has taken over my life. I'm 6 weeks from finishing classes! I can't wait. This is the last term of text books, lectures, tests, etc. Next term I will be a supervised teacher -- after that, a liscensed one! I will have achieved my goal, honored my parents, and be free to move on with my life.

Busyness has a certain joy.I love to have tasks in front of me. I've started my little garden on the porch. I've completed a painting and a dress; met family commitments; completed homework I'd been putting off; even had a "Date Night" with my husband when a dear friend passed along two tickets to the Broadway musical "Hairspray" that she and her husband were unable to use. I feel like I have a purpose when I am busy.

At the same time, important things that can only accompany an idle schedule have slipped away. I've found my prayer time becoming shorter and shorter, while my task list rumbles away in my head. My "still time" with my husband, where there is nothing to do and no desire to do anything other than sit on the couch and gab has vanished. Productivity has taken the place of peace.

I've been reminding myself to pause and reflect on these early days of springtime. There will only be one March 18th this year -- only one Wednesday in mid-March when the sun rose just as I was kissing my husband good-bye for work, when I was able to have a leisurely breakfast in the sunlight, when no pressing demands need my attention until noon. I encourage each of you to take even just a minute today to appreciate what a gift today is!

Prayers, please

I'm not sure how many of you freqent the news, but this morning a pastor was shot while preaching. He was killed, and two of the congregants were injured. I have 2 specific prayers about this tragedy , as I'm shaking and confused and worried.

1. The entire situation is scary and tragic. Please pray for the witnesses, the victims, the families, as well as the families of the killer. Just the whole situation. Lives have been changed today.

2. This church is in my home community -- less than a mile from where I grew up. I have several friends in the congregation. As much as this hurts on a general scale, my heart is breaking at a local scale as well. I know God's in control, but...

Thanks, to any who are willing to pray. I know that the Father has already won the battle, but the road until He returns is likely to be covered with more pain like this.

Edited to add: I just found out that I know the shooter, as well. His family is members at my church. Please pray.

Rebirth of the Spirit

Today is my favorite day of the year. Everything just seems to have an energetic thrill running through it, a subconcious hum of awareness that says to me, "We're here! We're waking up!" Today is the first day that actually feels like spring.

Although it isn't technically spring yet, my world is bursting with potential. About 2 days ago I heard the first birds returning to the area. Two of them were scouting out nesting places this morning under my classroom window --even though there are no leaves yet and won't be for another couple weeks. I saw the first swooping falcon while I was driving home. My landlord is outside at this moment with his weed trimmer. Such a comforting noise, and the smell!!! I threw open the windows and doors the second I got home. I feel so inspired to create, or clean, or just play! Winter staleness will disappear over the next few days as sunlight purifies the dark corners of my house.

The cycle of the seasons has always been inspiring to me. The seasons serve to remind me of all the other cycles in my life. Sometimes we're up -- walking on the mountain with God, where everything seems clear and certain. Sometimes we're down -- in the valley where everything is muddy and dark, and nothing seems certain. The seasons remind me of the cyclical nature of faith and give me hope. As certain as spring follows winter, clarity in faith follows confusion. Sometimes the winter is long indeed, but that only makes the spring more sweet.

Spring wakens my spirit the same way it wakens the seeds in the ground. My heart begins to leap and praise God through the multitude of blessings inherient in the lenghtening days and bright sunlight. The promise of growth, of produce, of animals and flowers, causes my heart to sing. May God bless you richly with a spring awakening of your own.

"11 See! The winter is past;

the rains are over and gone.
12 Flowers appear on the earth;

the season of singing has come,

the cooing of doves

is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree forms its early fruit;

the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.

Arise, come, my darling;

my beautiful one, come with me."

Song of Songs 2:11-13

Thoughts on Feminine Dress

I wanted to share some of the thoughts I had last week, the Week in Feminine Dress. For some of you this may have seemed like no big deal. You may already wear dresses and skirts frequently, if not every single day. My experience has been quite different than that. This week has been an important and exterior step to show what God has been doing in my heart these past three years.

I started college in Fall 2005 with big plans. I was going to graduate as a double major in International Economics and Econometrics from a prestigious business school in only 3.5 years. Then, gloriously single, I was going to fly off to France to live a crazy ex-pat life in Paris until I got bored with it all at which time I’d return to some major US city, find some nice boy, and settle down. Although I was a Christian, I hadn’t submitted my life to Christ in any realistic way. By the end of my first semester, I was miserable and planning other options for school.

To summarize the next two years in extremely brief fashion: I transferred to a school near my parent’s home, got involved with a wonderful campus ministry, renewed my commitment to Christ, met my now husband, got involved in evangelism projects I never would have imagined, got married, moved and switched schools again, and joined another new church. That brings us up to Christmas Break 2008.

At the end of last semester, God showed me that I wasn’t living modestly. I love to get attention and compliments. My biggest concern as I go about my day is “what will people think of me?” My cowardice to step outside the status quo has held me back from witnessing to and serving the people in my life. Although this is mostly a heart issue, my clothing has certainly been a component. While I crave attention for looking like I “should,” I dread the attention that comes from being different.

I decided to do WIFD even though I was scared (of skirts? Yes…). I wore my favorite dress, which before now has only been worn at home. I wore skirts that I’ve only worn to formal events. And I relaxed! The adults I interact with didn’t say anything about my different wardrobe, if they even noticed. The children in my first grade class kept telling me they loved my dress with cherries on it – “You look like a real teacher, Mrs. Preston!” (I love kids, lol). And God nurtured my heart to realize that my preoccupation with appearance has held me back all these years.

Since WIFD, I’ve gone back to wearing pants more often than not. But I can feel a shift in my heart. I’m wearing them because that’s what I happen to have in my closet at the moment, not because it is what is expected of me. To sum it up – I care less! It’s a freeing feeling.
God still has a lot of work to do in my heart to knock down my pride and obsession with fitting in. But I can clearly see that the Week in Feminine Dress has helped me in my journey towards not only a modest appearance, but also a modest heart.

WIFD, Thursday - Sunday

I've been so busy! We got pictures taken, but never had a chance to post them. Here's the 2nd half of the Week in Feminine Dress, all at once:

Thursday is ballroom dance class. Even tho we lower the average age by... lots... it's so much fun! This week was the last week of waltz; next week starts swing dance. I made this dress four years ago for the last day of high school. My group of friends went to the park down the street for a crazy picnic and water ballon fight. Now, it's my favorite dress EVER! It feels so pretty when I walk. I think I'm going to take the pattern and make it again. (Picture is from Christmas time, but this is exactly what I wore)

Friday is school in the morning, then home in the afternoon. I wore this to class, then came home and was fitting a new 40's dress all afternoon.

Saturday was once again a travel day, for more birthdays. I picked this outfit because it's super comfortable while still being classy and a skirt. It was perfect for my afternoon spent with my best friend visiting niche tea, spice, and antique shops around St. Louis. The whole thing is from Wal-Mart -- I love love love the Danskin brand.

Sunday was Church. As our community group doesn't begin until next week, Shaune and I spent the Sunday School hour passing out curriculum for the Lenten study. Then service. I am perpetually renewed by our church. I love how real our pastors are -- I've been in churches before where the pastors didn't seem to really believe or live their faith. Our church... I don't know. I feel restored every time I enter.

WIFD, Monday-Wednesday

I am loving this Week in Feminine Dress! I'm being braver with skirts than I usually am -- I don't wear them often because the atmosphere I am typically in is so casual. But I've done it every day so far and I'm loving the way I feel. My husband likes it too, he said it helps him "remember I'm a lady." He even brought me roses yesterday!

Monday I kind of failed. I had great intentions, but we were traveling. It was easier to stay in sweat pants. My skirt stayed rumpled at the bottom of my suitcase.

Tuesday was a home day and I didn't get around to taking pictures. I wore one of my favorite skirts -- a charcoal grey knee length from Old Navy that has deep inverted pleats below a dropped waist. It just *feels* nice. I paired it with just a plain pink long sleeve tee.

Today I wore one of my forgotten favorites:

I bought this outfit nearly four years ago when I was doing scholarship interviews for college. There's diagonal pinstriping in the skirt that I don't know if you can see online. It's two-tone -- a coral sort of color and one that perfectly matches the blouse. The striping is subtle enough to still be considered a neutral, but detailed enough to not just be another black skirt. Oops! I left my school badge on, too. Oh well.

I never thought I would wear a skirt to teach 1st grade in -- something about little ones buzzing around scares me. So I layered another super soft, super warm jersey knit skirt under this one that has a habit of sticking to my tights. Double bonus -- keeping me warm since the temperatures have dropped so much!

I love wearing skirts. I think I need to find a way to incorporate more into my wardrobe.

Learning as a Christian Adult

I’ve been thinking about this post for over a week and a half now, because I feel it is so important. When we become adults, our learning doesn’t stop. In fact, a lot of times it is only just beginning. This is especially true for Christians. We need to never stop learning about our Lord and our faith.

After a lot of prayer, study, and personal observation, I’ve come to a conclusion that I pray won’t step on any toes. I believe that learning as a Christian adult must come through community. In community, we both speak and listen, teach and learn. It is a cycle that leads to much fruit that can’t come from simply being alone. (There is definitely a role for independence in Christian learning, stick with me for a little bit).

Although I don’t have a specific passage to point to where God spoke audibly and said, “Learn together,” I see much evidence that this was his original plan. Act 2:42-47 explains the fellowship of the early believers… “they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship… they continued to meet together in the temple courts.” I get the impression that the believers continuously were together discussing and living life as a team.

Paul also talks to the church in Hebrews about learning in community: “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Heb. 10:25). He realized the power that community has to shape us and drive us to Christlikeness.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to be a small group leader at a gathering of Christian college students from all over Downstate Illinois (plus about 10 kids from Missouri, too). This was my 3rd year attending the conference, but only my first leading. I went into the weekend in “teacher mode” until I came to the revelation I mentioned before: As a Christian adult, the line between teaching and learning is so faint that it may not exist at all.

I want to make a confession – I have a pride problem. I wanted to “help,” and “guide,” and “encourage,” while ignoring the desperate need I have myself for those things. Friday night’s session and discussion went horribly because I was trying to teach. I wasn’t being real. After a long (long…) heartfelt prayer that evening, God opened my eyes to many memories of other classes and SGs I’ve been a part of. As well as modern learning theory a la Dewey and Constructivism. He gently guided me into realizing that to teach adults, I have to be willing to learn from them, too. I may have the discussion questions written in front of me, but that isn’t some kind of power. My listening and asking thoughtful questions for my own learning’s sake would be the vehicle for their learning as well.

Discussion is a funny thing. When I jump out to answer a question, I am forced to think about what I am really thinking. More often than not, my conclusion at the beginning of a statement is completely different than what I believe by the end. I’ve talked to many many people who have experienced the same thing. Talking out loud is one strategy for processing our thoughts. When we have to explain ourselves, it becomes much clearer in our own eyes.

Discussion also opens the door for finding someone else in a similar situation who can either commiserate or give you advice. I experienced this over the weekend, too. One of the girls in my SG is going through the same battles I fought with love and relationships when I was in high school. I was able to relate how God healed me, which gave her hope and opened the door for an ongoing friendship. I also received advice and confirmation about things God has been showing me in my own walk. I’ve thought about fasting before, but I’ve always worried the desire was from myself. I was able to talk to two of my dear friends, who are each currently fasting from different things for different reasons. Through them, I was able to discern that the call wasn’t from my own desires but from Christ.

An experience Wednesday night confirmed my realization. I had the chance to volunteer at a shelter downtown and participate in their Bible study. It blew my mind – these people, who live on the same streets which only hours later were filled with well-wishers for Lincoln’s birthday, the invisible poor who are always with us – these people chose that evening to discuss humility. And it was the most Christ-filled discussion on humility I have ever heard in my life. I had nothing to contribute because my understanding of what it means to have nothing cannot even come close to comparing with theirs. And even still, they had hope.

Learning can certainly take place alone, but I have come to believe that it will be limited to head-learning. It is one thing to learn about poverty, to read books and pray about it, and another entirely to sit for half an hour listening to a man who has had nothing but pain in his life but still walks around clinging to the hope of heaven. It is one thing to read the Bible and another entirely to live it.

I believe that learning alone as a Christian adult serves to lay the foundation for further learning in community. We read the Bible and other books and listen to sermons at church or online so that we can step out with our brothers and sisters to have heart-to-heart conversations. I believe that God works through other believers to shape us, grow us, and change us in ways that we can never experience in our prayer closets. However, let me be firm in this: without personal time spent learning the Word, there aren’t enough building blocks in our heart for community learning to take place. It will be limited to experiences and observations without the depth that only the Word can bring. Community learning and personal learning are two sides of the same coin; one can not exist without the other.

How you define community for yourself is between you and God. In my life, my “community” is frequently only my husband. I also make the most of the few visits I get with my Christian sisters, sometimes only once every few months. I’d love to be involved in a small group or Sunday school on a regular basis, but that isn’t happening right now for various reasons. This doesn’t let me off the hook. I have to intentionally integrate my faith into the few conversations I do have so that I can reap the benefits of learning in community.

I have even more thoughts that I’ve edited, but this post is getting tediously long already. I’m eagerly anticipating response and further conversation. I feel I’m far from done exploring this topic.

Week in Feminine Dress, Sunday

This is my first day of my first Week in Feminine Dress (from hence forward, WIFD). I wear skirts and dresses from time to time, but it's pretty counter-cultural so I don't do it very often. I attend a REALLY relaxed college where most girls show up in jeans if they bother changing from PJs. We also attend a very modern church. I've been wanting to transition to more feminine clothing, so this is a great kick start!

Today was church, followed by a whole afternoon of family visits, then staying overnight with friends, then more family/friend visits tomorrow. Busy, busy!

I'm working on a long post about learning as a Christian adult. It's coming together, but I want it to be "perfect" before going on-line. Hopefully it'll go up Tuesday morning.

The month of Babies and More

This month, seems to be the month when everyone seems to go about being born. Every single weekend in February I have a different baby-related event to attend. And they're all miracle births, none the less.I'm not complaining! I love little ones so much... soon now...

Last weekend was my dear Husband's 27th birthday. Happy birthday, Love! This one may not have been particularly miraculous, except that now you're in my life.

This weekend I have a baby shower I'm co-hosting for a dear friend. Becky and her husband have been waiting so long... finally, their little one will join them in March.

February 15th is the 1st birthday of my dear cousin, another long-waited miracle. We didn't think she'd ever be here or make it this long. She was born as a result of my aunt and uncle going through several painful years of fertility treatments. After that, she was born at 31 weeks, weighing barely 2lb. Even though she's still barely over 10lb, she's a beautiful sunny Princess who's always grinning and can't seem to keep still.

February 22nd is my baby brother's birthday. He's not a baby anymore, he'll be 9, but he's such a dear boy. He was an unexpected blessing to our family, long after my parents had given up trying for a third child.

It's a busy month!!

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I've been so busy since Christmas that we've been buying bread instead of baking it. I seeked out the best bet I could find -- a 12-grain that was also affordable and tasty. Well, just today I realized WHY it's tasty: high fructrose corn syrup is #3 on the ingredients list, only following flour and water. Yuck! I can't believe we've been eating this! So I'm trying my hand at homemade multi-grain today, throwing in a little of what we've got.

In the mix: 2tbsp quinoa, 2tbsp oatmeal, 1tbsp flax seed, and the rest is white flour. It's rising now, I plan on making sub rolls to have for dinner (it's soup and sandwich night). I'll let you know how it works!

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I'm not typically a video game player, I just don't understand most of them. But my husband loves to play. For his birthday I bought him a game he's been talking about for months -- Katamari Damacy. It's imported from Japan.

This is probably the most silly, hilarious, addicting thing I've ever seen in my life. You play a little green space prince who's dad accidentally blew up the stars. You roll balls (called Katamari) around on earth picking up junk, animals, people, buildings, whatever you can grab so the king can turn them into stars. It's absurd and strangely entertaining. We've been playing nonstop since he opened it. It's a lot of fun, especially for older kids.

The reasons we learn

I’ve noticed there are three reasons that all people, adults and children, begin learning about something:

• Necessity
• Goals
• Interests/Curiosity

Formal schooling is out of necessity. Children typically don’t learn algebra because they want to, they learn it so they don’t fail a course. Necessity may be the mother of invention, but it de-motivates many children and adults. I know that the classes I was required to take gained much less of my attention and effort than my elective courses. Necessity doesn’t make for engaged students.

We also learn to achieve our goals. This is probably the best motivator I’ve ever discovered, at least in my own life. I have had two goals for several years: 1, to do living history, and 2, to do cross-cultural mission work abroad. These goals have pushed me to study history in ways I never imagined and to immerse myself in languages. I want to succeed at these challenges, so I do the research I need to grow. Goals motivate everyone – do you remember driver’s education, or premarital mentoring? We work harder at these things because we want the rewards. Psychology calls these “incentives.”

The final category of learning motivators is our interests and the things that make us curious. I’ve found these often go together with our goals – I’m interested in learning languages because of the goals I have. I learn about cooking because I’m interested in it. I frequently hear a news report on the radio that intrigues me, so I look it up later on the internet to gain more information.

This isn’t my most in-depth post, but I believe that studying what motivates us helps us to learn better. This is especially important for teachers and parents. Children typically aren’t motivated by a stack of workbooks and a checklist. In school, we’re studying how to teach using “constructivist” theory, which I’m realizing has been around forever. It’s the way things used to be done! A constructivist lets children explore, designs situations for the child to interact with, then helps the child process what they found (i.e. providing vocabulary for their discoveries). Mothers have been doing this for centuries through free play and work-beside-me chores.
I think it’s funny that the new learning theory for public schools is the same one that’s been used in homes forever. Kudos to you home-schoolers who’ve had the right idea all along.